Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina is officially offended.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
