i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
