the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
