I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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