you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
