I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
