STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
