need another drink. this is the easiest way
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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