Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
