Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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