I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
