I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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