I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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