I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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