I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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