my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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