the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
