I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
