that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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