I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
