you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
