My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
