; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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