If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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