The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
