doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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