Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
