You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
