i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
