he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
