I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
