I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
