I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
