im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
