You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
