a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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