How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
