where am i from again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
