I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
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