guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He felt like a one man threesome
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
