i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
