You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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