12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
