wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
