dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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