Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
