I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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