I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
