The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There r osticjed everywhere
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
