I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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