Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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