I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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