i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
