I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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