Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
