Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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