Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
