Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.

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  (949): you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application. http://tfl.nu/ha6k
  Replies (7) Good night (3776) Bad night (1060)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..

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  (610): He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him.. http://tfl.nu/ejw3
  Replies (10) Good night (1497) Bad night (3705)
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  (646): View more from New York

  You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door

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  (646): You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door http://tfl.nu/u8he
  Replies (6) Good night (2263) Bad night (890)
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  (530): View more from California

  I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover

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  (530): I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover http://tfl.nu/xq4s
  Replies (7) Good night (2886) Bad night (1112)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...

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  (724): My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out... http://tfl.nu/jne9
  Replies (5) Good night (2805) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.

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  (805): No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard. http://tfl.nu/br69
  Replies (5) Good night (2316) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.

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  (206): After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard. http://tfl.nu/g18p
  Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (660)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.

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  (601): Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams. http://tfl.nu/r18a
  Replies (8) Good night (388) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.

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  (270): It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What. http://tfl.nu/ocdr
  Replies (5) Good night (2257) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.

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  (520): YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND. http://tfl.nu/s2r1
  Replies (11) Good night (391) Bad night (1377)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys

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  (226): He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys http://tfl.nu/z52q
  Replies (1) Good night (693) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower

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  (416): No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower http://tfl.nu/t3qe
  Replies (0) Good night (718) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.

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  (+44): i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage. http://tfl.nu/jfp9
  Replies (1) Good night (769) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on

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  (416): You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on http://tfl.nu/ccgq
  Replies (2) Good night (787) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.

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  (678): My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win. http://tfl.nu/9qeq
  Replies (5) Good night (245) Bad night (406)

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