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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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