someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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