I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.