Will you blow on my dice?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.