My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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