to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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